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Losing your virginity

When should I lose my virginity?

• You should only have sex when it feels like the right time for you and when you feel safe enough with someone to take this step.
• This is at different times and stages for different people and that’s OK.
• The law says that people shouldn’t have sex if they are under 16. This is to help stop young people from being abused.

I’m thinking about having sex

• If you are in a relationship with (or seeing) someone you might want to have sexual experiences or sex with them.
• Whilst exploring sex can be exciting, it is important that you feel comfortable and that you are not pressured into doing anything you don’t feel happy with.

I don’t want to have sex but my boyfriend/girlfriend does. What should I do?

• If someone pressures you to have sex and you don’t feel ready, you should tell them how you feel and then you should really tell someone else.
• Not having sex before you are ready does not mean you are selfish or that you don’t love or care for your boyfriend or girlfriend.
• If your partner cares about you they will respect your decision and not try to make you do something you feel uncomfortable with.

Have all my friends really had sex?

• Some of your friends might boast about having sex which can make you feel that you need to lose your virginity as soon as possible to keep up with them.
• Remember, it does not matter if your friends are all having sex. You should only have sex when you feel ready.

How will I feel?

• Having sex for the first time can be scary, after all it is something that you have never done before.
• It is normal to feel nervous and unsure of what you are doing.
• First time sex is unlikely to be perfect, so try to relax and not take it too seriously.

Does it hurt?

• For women, having vaginal sex for the first time may be painful and you might bleed a little.
• This is because having sex for the first time usually stretches or tears your hymen, skin folds that are near the entrance to the vagina.
• Sex is likely to be more pleasurable and comfortable if you take your time and make sure that there is plenty of lubrication.
• If you are a man or woman having anal sex for the first time, this may be painful and you might bleed a little.
• If you are going to have anal sex, take your time and use plenty of lubrication.
• Some people find that being penetrated with fingers at first helps.

What about contraception?

• If you have sex without using contraception you can catch a sexually transmitted infection (including HIV) and a girl can get pregnant.
• Condoms are the best way to prevent sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy.
• Find out more about contraception here.

If you have any questions or you are unsure about anything then ask a Talksafe Counsellor or Peer Mentor.

Sexual health quiz

Just how safe is the sex you're having? A lot of people don't find it easy to talk about sex and this makes it hard when you're starting out having sex to make the right decisions to look after your sexual health. Take our sexual health quiz to see how you are doing.